Well, look at that. It’s been a month since my last post. A month! And an eventful one at that.
No big external changes. Yet. That shit takes time. But there was a major internal over-haul. I read a book, and, at the risk of sounding trite, it was life-changing.
I could give you the title. I could even be super nice and slap an Amazon link on that bad boy, but I only have two readers (hey
bitches my wonderful friends!) and I’ve already shared the title with them. If you’re new here and want the name of the book, hit me up in the comments below.
Oh, and I’m not kidding about only having two readers. That’s literally true. I know who they are. They both subscribed to the site, so they get emails when I post something new. As a result, no one ever actually visits the site. Like, no one. Ever.
I use StatCounter for my traffic data. Every week I get the same report. Zero visits. (StatCounter. Because nothing validates your sense of insecurity like cold, hard facts.)
Where was I? Oh yeah. The book.
So I realized that my biggest problem is the stuff going on between my ears. (Ain’t that always the way?) I spend too much time thinking about what I can’t change and too little time taking positive action.
It’s an easy rut to fall into when you’re dealing with big shit. Dysmorphia, for example, is an attitude killer. Then there’s the fact that I can’t yet start actually making changes and outwardly being the person I wanna be. And when I can, sing it with me, hello judgment, my old friend …
As it turns out, fixating on the negative and talking myself into feeling helpless all the time isn’t doing me any favors.
New year, new plan.
I will overcome that which currently holds me back, and I’ll start the process by sneering in the face of negativity. Moping was a shitty strategic move anyway. Plus, it sounds like way more fun to embrace rebellion, defiantly sticking my tongue out and refusing to give that nasty little nay-saying internal voice a platform.
And this isn’t sunshine-up-your-ass bullshit. I’m not saying I’ll be chipper all the time. A lot of the time, sure, but there are still some crappy days ahead. I can accept that, and accept that some things will suck.
But I’m not helpless. Not now. Not ever.
That’s the important lesson. That’s what it means to be a rebel. To fight back, always fight back, because life is too short to waste it not living.