Nonfiction

I Said I Wouldn’t. I Lied.

I should know better than to make absolutely statements. I really should. But, y’all—I do things I shouldn’t do. Like, all the time.

Case in point. A while back I said I wasn’t ever gonna make any kind of big Facebook announcement about my gender. Funny thing about that. This Friday is Trans Day of Visibility.

(Actually, the official day is Sunday, March 31, but, per the website, it’s being observed this year on Friday. Don’t ask me why. I dunno. I assume star charts and mystical chants were involved in the calculations. And don’t you dare say they weren’t! Don’t you steal the magic from me!)

In the past, days like this—TDOV, National Coming Out Day and Transgender Day of Remembrance—have been pure torture to me. I was in the closet. I didn’t wanna be in the closet. I felt trapped and locked down and frustrated. I cried. I vented to close friends. I moped and survived the day, even as other LGBTQ people were reveling.

It sucked.

But Friday—Friday does not have to suck because I’m no longer in the closet. No, I haven’t made a big announcement. Yet. But there’s nothing stopping me. Not a damn thing. And Friday is all about being visible, right? Being seen.

I think it’s time I was seen.

When I first realized this on Monday, I was fairly sure I would say something, but also nervous about it. Now, just two days later (and still two fucking days from Friday), I’m annoyed Friday isn’t already here. I’m so ready to say something. To own who I am. To throw off the weight of living a significant part of my life in secret for so long.

And sure, someone’s gonna be an asshole. Someone will be judgmental or stupid or insensitive. Fine. Whatever. I expect it. But there will also be people, sometimes people I don’t see it coming from, who will be sweet and kind and accepting.

I kinda wanna hear from those people.

So on Friday, I plan to say something. I’m not entirely sure what yet, but it won’t be some vague thing. I’ll make it plain that I’m trans. I’m a girl.

All bets are off. I’m about to break free.

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