Nonfiction

The Hits Just Keep on Comin’

JEEBUS.

I thought a lot had happened the last time I filled you in. Buckle up, buttercup. There’s more.

So, I was laid off.

The company I was working for is, as it was explained to me, “restructuring,” and I was let go last week. Unlike the one other time I’ve been laid off, there was no severance or anything nice like that this time. Just a quick conversation about how my 2+ years were appreciated and . . . good luck, I guess.

Okie-doke.

But here’s the weird part. I should be freaked out. And don’t get me wrong. A part of me is mildly panicked, but only mildly. The rest of me is irrationally and completely certain everything’s going to be just fine.

I’ve got applications out. I’ve done interviews. Something will come through and, for reasons I can’t explain, I feel hopeful that the next job will be better than the last in more ways than I can imagine.

You know why that’s weird? Because I’m usually not this optimistic. I’m usually worried. I’m usually anxious and scared.

And this time I feel like . . . eh, it’ll be okay.

The night before I got laid off, my former manager send out a meeting invite. One of my coworkers saw it and texted me. We both suspected what was coming because the people in the meeting were just a weird mix.

That night, I took a walk. I was trying to gear up mentally. At some point during my walk, it all just clicked for me.

Chaos. Utter chaos. EVERYTHING is chaos. There’s literally never a guarantee you’ll still have a job tomorrow . . . or that anything else will stay as it is now.

We like the idea of control, but we don’t any. We SO don’t. We just comfort ourselves with the illusion of control.

And then I decided I was okay with that. Okay with the chaos and the not knowing and the uncertainty of the future. Since that night, I haven’t had a single breakdown about my employment. I’ve even been mostly okay with everything else. (I still hate being single, but that’s another rant for another time.)

Things keep changing, but it’s okay. I keep changing with ’em. That’s what you gotta do.

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