Nonfiction

Asking for a Friend

First, I’ve been quiet for a while. Let’s not make it a thing.

Yeah, I know. I brought it up.

Okay. Fine. If you insist.

I’ve been busy living and transitioning and generally being fucking amazing. And I know, I know, you’ve been DYING to hear about it all. But I’d like to point out that you, my readers, are imaginary (no one reads this shit, right?) and, while I love you, I’ve had a lot on my plate.

I got a new job. I’m really leaning into being myself. I’m actually doing a bang-up job of being bold and brave in being open about my gender. I’m cute AF, but also down to earth and grounded. I’m even exploring a whole new spirituality … thingie. (You wanna know about it? Ask. The comments, bitch. Use them.)

Hot damn. That was some clever comment-baiting, wasn’t it? I’m good.

And I’m dating. Well, trying to date. Scratch that. I’m available. Oh, JEEBUS. That sounds desperate and mildly creepy. Not available. I’m … what’s the word? Horny? No, no, no. I mean, yes, but no.

“Open” sounds entirely too suggestive. “Looking” sounds like I’m on the prowl. “Trying to meet people” sounds like I’m pretending the whole thing is way less important to me than it really is.

How’s this? I’m on some dating apps. That’s accurate and vague enough for me to feel all comfy cozy because, really, what can you determine about me from that? Not much. Not much at all.

Except, of course, that if an attractive so-and-so popped up, I wouldn’t object.

Which brings me to my focal point for today. Where does one find attractive lesbians who are cool with trans chicks? Specifically, lipstick lesbians. (If you’re butch, go you. It’s just not my thing.)

Asking for a friend.

I’ve looked high and low on the apps. Most of the apps. Not all. Fuck. Who has that kinda time? But quite a few.

Last night I ventured out to the bar scene with a friend. We hit up a couple of spots. Plenty ‘o women out there, but few who weren’t butch. (Again, that’s totally cool and all, just not what I’m attracted to. Someone’s gonna pitch a shit-fit about me being anti-butch, and I’m not. Just being clear.)

So where are the cute, kinky, funny, smart, well-adjusted, goofy ladies looking for ladies? Where does that crowd hang out these days?

Just, you know, asking. For a friend.

I did this thing about a week ago. I wrote out all of what I’m looking for. I’m trying to manifest my ideal match. It’s part of that whole spirituality thingie. (And no, I’m NOT saying more. I already told you, you have to ask.)

I got all kinds of specific … but still vague enough to be realistic. Like, I’d like her to live close-ish to me, be physically attractive, feminine, sexually adventurous (I may have been a smidge more specific on that one), intelligent, kind, balanced in her life—you know. An adult who’s not boring. But still an adult.

Know where to find someone like that? I have this friend. She’s looking, bless her heart.

It doesn’t FEEL like a tall order. But lemme tell you, my imaginary friends, it is. Oh boy, is it. Or it seems to be.

And fuck. Can I vent for a sec? You love me. Of course I can.

I live in Dallas. Well, not Dallas proper, but close enough. I’m in the DFW area. There are well over 10 million people nearby. This place is crawling with humans. All the humans. I refuse to believe there aren’t several good matches for me out there.

And not only are there attractive folk all around, but I’m a fucking catch. Seriously. I’m gonna make someone very happy someday … yada, yada, yada. (I gagged a little typing that, but it’s true.)

But are they messaging me? These attractive, fun, sexy women? Nope. So, what gives?

Just asking. FOR A FRIEND.

You know what the hard part is? Keeping this whole thing fun. I used my oracle deck today. It’s similar to tarot, but different. (Yes. It’s part of that spiritual stuff you STUBBORNLY refuse to ask about. And I’m NOT saying more. I’m making that zipping gesture over my lips right now. That’s how serious I am. If you wanna know, ASK, damn you.)

Where was I? Oh yes. Oracle deck.

I did a pull. (It means I drew some cards. I do it daily. NO MORE INFO unless you ask.) And the cards were quite clear today. I need to keep this fun, even though I’m not having any luck and that sometimes gets to me.

Dates are rare. App-based matches are rare. People ghost left and right. It’s a shit show, folks.

And THIS is the hard part. When you want something and it’s just not happening, how do you keep that playful and lighthearted?

My friend would really like to know.

So this is what I’m doing. I’m sharing the journey with you in my patented goofy-ass style. I’m gushing about why it sucks, but also trying to make it fun. For you.

And for me. I’m also making it fun for me.

Because, really, even the shitty parts of dating should be fun if you can make them fun. Otherwise, it’s just a giant mess. And it’s a giant mess no matter what you do, so it might as well be a fun mess.

Maybe that’s what I should tell my friend …

Welp. I feel like we didn’t really answer any questions. Hell, we raised more than we answered. (Are you REALLY not gonna ask anything in the comments? This is egregious. But I forgive you. I’m so damn nice …)

But—if you’ll permit me a moment of deep reflection—that’s the nature of life. There are more questions than answers. And being trans, I’m very much aware of that reality. Trying to nail down cosmic truth isn’t necessary. In fact, it’s peripheral. More off target than on.

I just want what you want. I wanna be happy. I’d like someone to tell me I’m pretty and do fun things with me. Sometimes even with clothes on. It’s really not too much to hope for.

So if you feel you can spare a moment, send good vibes. Ask the universe to, you know, nudge things in a romantic direction. Maybe visualize open doors and fun, playful opportunities.

For my friend. She appreciates that so much.

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