Learning is awesome. Also, it sucks.
It’s usually uncomfortable and challenging, even if there’s a payoff in the end. And there IS a payoff, which is why I try to embrace it … even when that’s like embracing a rabid porcupine with a bad attitude and halitosis.
So, here are the things I’ve learned in the last two weeks that have been not-fun-at-all to learn, but will absolutely make my life better.
1. I sometimes do a really shitty job of taking care of myself.
In this context, “sometimes” means “most of the time” and “shitty” means “I don’t do it at all.”
2. I can easily be derailed by anxiety.
I already knew that one. I’ve known it for years. But the universe thought it would be great to ever-so-gently bop a post-it on my forehead this week reminding me that, yes, anxiety can be a bitch.
3. Self-talk can make everything better or everything worse.
I have a history of letting it make everything within me worse, but it’s actually not that hard to use it to make everything better. It just takes intention.
4. It’s okay that there are things (like anxiety and self-talk) that I’m not good at … yet.
I’m working on getting better at them.
5. Fighting anxiety is stupid.
It’s better to welcome it, like an honored guest, allowing it to be right there in the moment with me if it wants to be. When I do that, ironically, it gets bored and leaves. If I try to kick it out, it digs it. That fucker “honored guest” likes a good fight.
6. When I don’t take care of myself, the people I care about suffer for it.
All the anxiety and pain builds until I crash. I don’t get angry. I get really, really sad, and then the people close to me have a real mess on their hands—a weepy, annoying mess.
7. Taking care of myself isn’t selfish.
Or it is, but it’s totally okay. Fuck the labels.
8. I will not be able to master any of this shit overnight.
Ironically, trying to get better and being patient and kind with myself as I struggle to grow is going to be the very thing that makes me better. Irony is also a bitch, but a much more fun bitch than anxiety.