A Thing Happened

It was inevitable. Like a crying brat in coach. Or food poisoning if you eat enough Taco Bell. Unlike the first, there wasn’t any crying. But like the second, it was shitty.

A friend said one of the phrases I suspect most trans people hear at some point, especially if they come out as adults. “I’ll always see you as [insert misgendered name here].”

She thought she was saying it kindly. I’d guess she even thinks she said it in a loving way.

Which is, of course, bullshit.

If you refuse to adjust your perception of another person, insisting they remain who you think they are, you’re either lazy or selfish. Most likely both.

It wasn’t a fun conversation. I don’t have a shit-ton of friends who know my true gender. I feel alone a lot. This was someone I thought got it. Before the bomb-dropping conversation, I would have called her one of my best friends.

Holy shit, was I wrong.

And here’s the thing. I genuinely believe she thinks she wasn’t being cruel. She was cruel, but she has no idea.

That’s the nature of selfishness and close-mindedness. Both are seductive. Like, latex-catsuit-with-thigh-high-boots seductive.

She’d say she tried. But there’s no trying when it comes to accepting another human being. You do or you don’t. Saying you tried and can’t quite manage it is a shitty cop out, pure and simple.

And that sort of thing happens all the time to LGBTQ people.

Discomfort and inflexibility lead otherwise good people to conclude they lack the mentally agility to be affirming. “I just can’t wrap my mind around it,” they say. “It’s too different. Too foreign.”

Is it? Is it really? Or do you just prefer being comfy-cozy?

Thinking differently takes work. When people say they can’t change their minds, what they’re really saying is they don’t wanna. And if someone tells you they can’t accept who you are, fuck ’em.

They’re not worth the effort it would take to talk them into seeing the world as it is instead of as they want it to be.