Fuck Passing

In case you somehow have NO idea what “passing” is, here’s what Wikipedia says about it.

In the context of gender, passing refers to a person’s ability to be regarded at a glance to be either a cisgender man or a cisgender woman. Typically, passing involves a mixture of physical gender cues (for example, hair style or clothing) as well as certain behavioral attributes that tend to be culturally associated with a particular gender.”

For a trans person, passing means being around people who don’t know you without them knowing you’re trans. It’s mostly about appearance, though Wikipedia does add,

Irrespective of a person’s presentation, many experienced crossdressers assert that confidence is far more important for passing than the physical aspects of appearance.”

So, if we assume that’s true (it’s not), then all someone like me would have to do is muster insane levels of confidence about something that terrifies me.

Yay for easy things.

In fairness, I really ought to tell you that I’m not yet trying to pass. (Well, I doubt I’ll ever try to pass, but that’s getting ahead of myself.) I’m not yet opening showing my feminine side.

I don’t wear the clothes I want to wear. I don’t wear the jewelry or perfume I’d like. I haven’t changed my legal name, or told people my preferred gender pronoun, or admitted to my love of cute, dark things. I don’t even do makeup, even though, holy shitballs, makeup.

But I’m thinking about all that stuff, and it’s unnerving. I know what I have to work with. I can’t “pass.” Which, whatever. Fine.

I mean, a lot of trans people take issue with the idea of passing, anyway. And I get that. Looking female isn’t what MAKES you female. But GOD, I wanna look female.

And I can’t. Not to the degree I want. Not ever.

So fuck it. I’m going to be a trailblazer. Not because I’m noble or brave, but because I have no other fucking choice.

When the time comes (please let it be soon), I’m going to have to just wear what I want, do what I want, like what I want, and look how I want.

Fuck passing, and fuck anyone who isn’t okay with me being me, regardless.