Much Change. Many Changes.

So, I got a job. That’s the first big change, and it’s BAH-IG.

For years, I’ve worked from home, doing my own thing on my own schedule with no commute. It’s nice to be around people again. People can be annoying, but they can also be pleasant. I don’t like the commute, but who does like that shit? And the office politics don’t seem bad. So far.

I started school, too. A grad program. I’m digging on the content, and liking the direction it’ll eventually take my life.

Here’s what I’m not crazy about. My day-to-day is totally different and, holy fuck, I have no time. I’m busy from well before sun-up to an hour or two after sun-down. And I haven’t even started shuffling workouts into the mix yet.

It’s all good stuff, though. All the changes. It’s needed. Without work and school, I can’t move forward. I need these things. (I need the workouts, too, because, damn, the scale isn’t where I want it to be.)

It’s just a lot. And in the midst of it, I’m still struggling to learn to love myself. I hate what I see in the mirror, hate hearing “him” in reference to me at the office, and hate jokes about things “guys like” and that sort of shit.

I’m not a guy. I don’t care what guys like.

Okay. I care a little. It’s nice when they like me. I mean, I prefer girls, but I’ll take a compliment from anyone.

BUT, even with change coming, I’m still somewhat antsy. I want more. Faster. Now.

I’ve been pretending to be a guy for …*cough* … entirely too long. I’m ready to get on with being ME.